thoughts about thinking

I do not know how to write in complete paragraphs anymore. Bullet points and short, direct sentences are much easier and require less thought. Faster, easier, and more convenient – these are things that our generation is constantly craving, and that sentiment has rubbed off on me. -I do not like being constantly asked what I am thinking about because I generally am not thinking of anything in particular. If I am quiet, it is not indicative of me thinking about something. I am extremely comfortable with silence, especially while driving, that I suppose can be unnerving to others.-I think differently by myself versus when I am around other people. My brain and thoughts only reveal themselves to me when I am alone and in a particular mindset to "think" about things. This is just the way that things are, and I don’t think that this will change.-It is harder and harder to make time to "think" about things as I grow older and older. The phenomenon of "free time" was not something that I fully appreciated when I was younger. I guess growing up in relative isolation had its pros in that it was very easy (maybe too easy) to make time for myself (hence the prolific, angsty journal writing of my youth).-I could make more time to be by myself, but I do not prioritize it. This can be a bit of a balance. Relationships (romantic, friendly, work) can unfortunately get in the way.-I have not really been single since my third year of college (so, what, since I have been 20?), which has likely contributed to the dwindling down of my thoughts.-I am an indirect person even to myself. I am always rephrasing things in my mind to be more indirect, to soften a sentiment, to dull the hard edge of honesty. I may need to work on this subconscious behavior since it is likely one of the major causes to why my relationships end the way that they do.


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