Grammar and Me

Grammar and I are not on perfect terms, but our relationship has improved over the years. Since my personal grammatical revival in 2007, I’ve sought to educate others on the usage of subject and object pronouns. I expect no one to give a flying shit about what I am about to say, but I’ll give it a shot anyway:Classes of Pronouns (Not Comprehensive):Subject: These guys do the actions or are "in" a state of being. I, he, she, it, you, they, we, whoObject: These guys receive the actions, sometimes indirectly.me, him, her, it, you, them, us, whomReflexive/Intensive Pronouns: These guys happen when you’re doing something to yourself (and you should tell a priest), or when you just have to make sure that everyone one knows that YOU YOURSELF completed the quarterly reports with no help from that b*tch, Susan.myself, himself, herself, itself, yourself, themselves, ourselves, THEIRSELVES NO!Common ErrorsMyself as an ObjectIncorrect: There is a suicide pact between Justin Bieber and myself if Selena Gomez wins a grammy.Why this makes me crazy: As noted earlier, myself is not an object pronoun; it’s a reflexive or intensive pronoun. Justin Bieber and I, other than being secretly lesbian married, are objects of the preposition "between," and therefore can only be referred to as "Justin Bieber and me" or "us" in this sentence.Using "I" when "Me" is Actually CorrectIncorrect: Marco gave rohypnol to Amanda and I, but our sorority activities gave us a remarkable tolerance to roofies.Why this should make you crazy: Let’s revisit this sentence with the magic of strike through:Marco gave rohypnol to Amanda and I, but our sorority activities gave us a remarkable tolerance to roofies. I could say that Marco gave roofies to I, but me would sound stupid. As stated above, "I" is a subject pronoun, and should only perform the action, not receive it. Since Amanda and I were just (not that) innocent bystanders, in this sentence we would be referred to as "Amanda and me."Who vs. WhomIncorrect: Who did you cheat on me with?Who hates this? I hate this: The proper use of who and whom is not taught very well, but with a simple trick and a little practice, you too can "whom" your ass to Harvard law school. How you ask?As listed earlier, "who" is a subject pronoun, and "whom" is an object pronoun. An easy way to sort this in your head is: "who" = "he" and "whom" = "him"(Yes, I do realize that not all who’s and whom’s are dudes, but if you can come up with a gender neutral shortcut that is equally effective, I’ll be the first one to ignore you.)So, going back to the question, "Who did you cheat on me with?" or any other question that starts in this manner, ask yourself how you’d ANSWER the question:I cheated on you with HE.ORI cheated on you with HIM.Obviously, I cheated on you with him (because he has way thicker, fuller, shinier chest hair). Other than picking up the pieces and getting on with your life, you should change the question to:Whom did you cheat on me with?Conversely:Incorrect: Whom told you about Mr.Brawny and me?"Him told me," is not a correct way to answer, therefore the above question should start with "who."This concludes my completely pedantic, mildly obscene grammar lesson on subject and object pronouns. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask I.

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